ZeRo'S PaRaDisE CasTLe

Being single..

2005-04-24T10:42:00.000-07:00

Everyday,it feels like I'm not in control with what I have.I need a new life to bring me back to my feet.The moment where you feel caught in the dark,is where you begin to feel,how lonely people are these days.Knowing nothing,existing nothing but earthly possessions.Where can you ever find peace in yourself without ever knowing?It's hard enough surviving through the hardships of life.Searching through answers,only brought you to more questions.How things will go on through your life,can only determine the unanswered questions.Life is a mystery.A test of faith.I don't want it all but just...a tranquility in my soul.Living it simply to the fullest.One can resides,from all thoughts.

Let's add a lil Soul...

2005-04-18T03:57:00.000-07:00

Feel like showing this video.For all those people were caught lost in their hearts.Here's a lil music that just makes you think what do you really want in love.

A wish to put an end...

2005-04-16T12:52:00.000-07:00

A lesson re-learnt.I won't be caught in someone's affair.I know how it feels to be in a position where you are in a relationship and someone is trying to get the person you love to love them.All the scars that I faced.I never did tell people how I feel about how I feel in a position whereas your love one doesn't want anyone to hear that they have a boyfriend/girlfriend.Although you don't feel nothing wrong with telling your friends that you have a girlfriend,you meeting her later on,or even tell that person on the phone that you are with your girlfriend right now and would talk to her/him later on.After a few flash-backs,I am not given the respect or the appreciation for what I had did.I truly re-learnt my lesson.Nobody is perfect in this world and I crave for perfection in love.Instead,I get leaded on to the same dead end of the road.The excruciating harm of physical pain does not bother me...but the red mental stain in my mind disturbs me physically.Now what I wish is..if only I didn't know about true love,I won't crave for such perfection..such passion...a burning desire that should be lighted out before it gets brighter.I wish..to be in Nirvana.At peace wth myself.No worries with money,fame,fortune and especially...love.I had decided.

A quiz...

2005-04-15T20:50:00.000-07:00

You Are 28 Years Old

28

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe.

13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world.

20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.

30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more!

40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

Ungrateful attitudes...

2005-04-13T11:37:00.000-07:00

Been awhile since I last update.People and their bloody unappreciated selfishness.When you had bought,give or do an errand for them,what do you want at most:Appreciation.A little 'thanks' or 'thank you' is enough for me to be enlighten that I had done it with sincerity.I demand appreciation damn it.Everyone wants appreciation in their lives.Just some bullock jackasses who are selfish enough to even admit it or say it.Do me a favour and listen to my advice to those who are reading this,Appreciate someone when they did something no matter how small to you.Give that person a little bit of respect when they had done something for you.Not just ignoring that person when they are in front of people's houses and calling you many times just to see you face-to-face with their time-effort constraint.Respect and appreciation,highlight these 2 keypoints in your life.

Here without you...memories..

2005-04-02T18:25:00.000-08:00

A hundred days had made me older
since the last time that I've saw your pretty face

A thousand lights had made me colder and I don't think I can look at this the same

But all the miles had separate
They disappear now when I'm dreaming of your face

I'm here without you baby
but your still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
and I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
but your still with me in my dreams
And tonight it's only you and me

The miles just keep rollin
as the people either way to say hello
I've heard this life is overrated
but I hope that it gets better as we go

I'm here without you baby
but your still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
and I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
but your still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl it's only you and me

Everything I know,
and anywhere I go
it gets hard but it won't take away my love
And when the last one falls,
when it's all said and done
it get hard but it won't take away my love

I'm here without you baby
but your still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
and I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
but your still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl it's only you and me

Heaven knows..a walk to remember..

2005-04-01T19:15:00.000-08:00

She's always on my mind,
From the time i wake up
'Till i close my eyes
She's everywhere i go
She's all i know

Though she's so far away
It's just keeps getting stronger
Every day
And even now she's gone
I'm still holding on

So tell me where do i start
'Cause it's breaking my heart
Don't wanna let her go

Chorus:
Maybe my love will come back some day
Only heaven knows
And maybe our hearts will find their way
Only heaven knows
And all i can do is hope and pray
'Cause heaven knows

My friends keep telling me
That if you really love her
You've gotta set her free
And if she returns in kind
I'll know she's mine

So tell me where do i start
'Cause it's breaking my heart
Don't wanna let her go

Chorus

Why i live in despair
'Cause wide awake or dreaming
I know she's never there
And all these time i act so brave
I'm shaking inside
Why does it hurt me so...

Chorus

Heaven knows..

A long wait..unfullfilled..

2005-03-31T19:29:00.000-08:00

*Dum-dum-da-da-dum-dum*
Waiting..I'm waiting..
*Dum-dum-de-de-dum-dum*
How long should I wait..
Without you by my side..
How long should I sit..
Till I want to cry..
Oh baby..baby!
*Dum-dum-da-da-dum-dum*

3 weeks to be exact...

2005-03-29T04:06:00.000-08:00

Well,a lot of thinking had occured around me.Both positive and negative points.I had a talk with a shrewd businessman last weekend.It was remarkable on how he explains clearly about business and its flaws.You have to be 100% to do business.That is what I am doing.I will never forget that company.It's a true honor to talk to such a leader.It was inspiring.

Right now,it's been the 3rd week now.I wonder what does she feels or thinks?All I could do is wait.Hence,I have none the desire to be patient.Whatever it will be.It's always best to just hang out and have more fun than just sitting at home.So that I won't think of anything.I think I should hang out at clubs or pubs sometimes.Miss those days.

A Thursday morning...

2005-03-23T08:56:00.000-08:00

Well,I filled with confusion in my heart.With so many things in my mind that I am left alone.Too much to think but so many to plan ahead.I need trust.I need security.I need assurance that this ticket to freedom and love is what I had bargained for.Everyday when I look at the posts that I had posted,they all sound like excuses from a day's work.Whatever it is,give me something that I need.Something that will last an eternity.Something...invaluable...priceless..

A Tuesday Morning...

2005-03-21T18:33:00.000-08:00

After all the information that I had piled up,it's always an unexpected result.An interesting morning.Thanks for sharing on phone and on msn.Now I could clearly see what I should reflect about.It's going to be another 21 questions type of quotations.

3 out of all,she chose these 3.Contemplation and comparison which I sensed.Another person's stupidity,self-stupidity and both being lame.I wonder why I stand out the rest of this 3.Is it a good thing or am I just not good enough as them?To be entertaining.Then I suck at it...fine.

Heart-broken wilted flames,hatred..can be cured with honesty,sincerity,respect and appreciation.A lesson well-learnt.

Putting thoughts into words..

2005-03-19T07:05:00.000-08:00

Alright,I had to admit.For a person to open up,it can be quite hard to break a nutshell.Because one thing for sure,there is always a harsh past behind everyone.What would you do?Quit?No..it's easier to quit and take it the hard way.I had always quitted the things that I can't do.So..I guess I should turn around and accept it.It can be unfair to those people who wanted a perfect relationship but as I had known,nothing is easy as it seems but just to realise it with pure appreciation.It is a blessing in disguise.I had thought alot on what I want to do.It can be regretting but since I know what I want in life..then there is no regretting of what I want to be to just reach out to my dreams.Understand that..I have more than what it takes to just live simple.I have dreams...my precious dreams since I was young.To conquer it all.I have to be open in my thinking.I want to unleash a spirit in me that I could even reach upon the heavens.In order to do this,I'll start from scratch.The process of thinking and experience can only prevail with what you are going to do.Change or be changed,this is what we do.

Well...times fly fast.It's been a month.Happy 1st month anniversary sweets..

Oversleeping..bloodshot eyes..

2005-03-18T19:24:00.000-08:00

I woke up in sweats..whoa.It's so damn hot.Called my chiqa a few times..she off her hp or something.I slept the whole night it seems.My hp went flat and people couldn't get through to me while I was sleeping.About 4 messages,and it's 11.31am.I am so freaking tired.Hopefully my pay gets today.I need to top up my ezlink card.Didn't get to since the freaking job was so damn far away and took cab to get there.Grrrr..why she off her hp.Trying to get through to her.Call me quick.. :(

In my shoes..temper temper temper..

2005-03-17T04:22:00.000-08:00

Fuck,the only place that I could vent my anger is here.I feel very grouchy today.I don't know why.I got a tough job.It was fine before the lunch break but soon after that,had to carry $40,000 worth of scanners.Bloody fucking heavy and this door knob of an asshole taking things so lightly making me carry all the heavy equipment.His friend was fine but this fucking bugger of the dead is so fucking blur sotong face have I ever seen and want to try to test my fucking patience.You think you so tough,then carry those fucking things yourself bitch.Then as I got home,a debarment letter was right on my door.Good thing my mom wasn't here.I'll be fucking damned and get screwed by her,plus with the extra help from dad.Fucking lecturer called me today when I was working but I was kinda busy with this fuckwurst job.Got home,friend messaged me in msn and asked to accompany him go to the nearest clinic.He got a sickness that I can't even fucking don't want to imagine.Here I am sitting in front of this computer.Waiting for something fucking nice to happen but did not fucking happen.Unwanted,unappreciated and I'm fucking complaining.Fucking hate that.Fuck,nothing to do at home nothing to feel,bitchy comp with shitload of cock-sucking viruses.I'm going to build a steady empire from scratch and show those anal-licking bastards what I can do without a certificate.

Sorry for the curses,but you know fucking well this is my blog.So screw you too.

Inspiring artworks display..

2005-03-15T20:32:00.001-08:00

A friend of mine in the US is an artist and made a lot of inspiring artworks.I post 4 of her artworks here.If you are interest in looking for more of her artworks,go here http://www.oceanstarr.com
Or not,click one of the weblinks at the Artist Collection section.Check it out!Highly recommended!

2005-03-15T20:32:00.000-08:00

~~Dragon~~

2005-03-15T20:31:00.000-08:00

~~CentrifugalForce~~

2005-03-15T20:29:00.000-08:00

~~Medusa~~

2005-03-15T20:03:00.000-08:00

~~Angel~~

2005-03-14T20:49:00.000-08:00

~~TheWho~~

3 days and 2 nights..here I am back and again..

2005-03-13T20:25:00.000-08:00

Those 3 days..was really worth it.Although it extends over my budget,it was a really..really educational trip.I was aspired by people who moved my heart by sharing their experiences and passion in their life.It opens up my eyes that there is always another solution for being free.I'm really glad to come to JB and the motivation that people had shown me.I'm willing to do anything to earn what I want to achieve my dream.This is my life.I want to live the way I want it to be.That is what I want to choose..the power to choose.

There's one person that I want to see when I get back..is Her.How long has it been since we last meet each other.A week.Have to hold on to this.

Loneliness..and here I am hoping...

2005-03-10T16:44:00.000-08:00

What a morning.I get shouted at by 3 people.I woke up at 7.52am and have not yet reached 8.00am.My parents annoyed me in the morning to wake up and get the exit permit form.I ignored and kinda fall back asleep until 8.22am.Panicked and called my sweets so many times on the handphone scared she's late.She rejected once and so I thought she rejects it to go back to sleep.How dumb could I get.So keep calling and calling then finally get shouted at for being irritating.She had an argument with her mom so I understand.

I wonder..after these few days,I felt I receive a rash treatment.Somehow it doesn't make sense what the hell I did.Is it because of what happened recently?The way I listen and try to solve things.Is it wrong?Or is it just pure misunderstanding?I felt I'm getting paranoid everyday.I need to clear my head.

My life,in every moment although people can't see it.I'm just a lonely fellow.I may have many friends but the fact is I'm still lonely and lost to the core where I don't really care what happens to me.I don't think Muhammad or Ahmad understands me.They think I'm trying too hard to be bad.Make me lose face in the bus fuckers by saying out loud.But the fact is,they don't know who I am and what I feel.Although they are in the same secondary school they don't have a clue of how I had been through.I had too many stuffs going through my life that they don't understand.They thinks it's a joke that I'm trying to hard to be bad.Heh,before judging me better judge yourself.I am being myself.This scar that is inside of me is what is left after I had been through.You guys don't really understand what I feel everyday.To have a decent background and you got exposed to many unexpected things.You are caught in the middle of friends and family.Being the youngest,parents getting old,I don't want things to get worse.I'm better off advising and helping out people rather than helping myself.I don't care what happens to me..as long as I could make a difference in someone's life I'm happy the way it is.If no one understands me,then so be it..it's a curse.

A friend of mine just got dumped by her boyfriend recently.She got to know the truth just yesterday.Her guy loves someone else.He's been dating this girl for the pass week.He treats her much better than my friend.I should say what a jerk.Men are jerks right ladies.She cried and tried to hold back her tears with anger.I should compliment how she tries to handle it.Don't think too much if you know what hurts you.Another unexpected event in love.When you love that person so much and he did that to you,you are left with scars all over your heart.But when you are left but scars all over your heart,and you found a perfect love.Don't be selfish and hurt that new love with what happened to you in the past.By doing that,aren't you being like your ex.Hurting you and don't understand you,then something cause you guys to break up.It hurts you too much till you bring the scars to the relationship.It ain't fair.If you had found somebody who truly loves you for the way you are and have the desire to meet you every single day,keep him/her.They are a gem.Build the foundation of love properly and you may have a perfect relationship.

The mass meeting for our rock-climbing club was kinda intense.Who could have known this batch is hard to choose for being committee.I heard they were thinking to put my name as one of the committees' but Ahmad,who is one of the committee,told them that I won't be here next semester.I'll be working from there on to support myself.It's for the better for myself and my family.I'm going to head out to Kelly Services and asked for the data entry job at Citibank.I wished to start on next Monday though.

One last attempt of trying to meet her before I go off to Johor Bahru.If not,then I understand.I'll take it in my own accord of understanding..haiz.

Practical 1 done..

2005-03-10T01:41:00.000-08:00

Yeah baby!I passed practical 1 motor license.Good thing the instructor was lenient..or else I'm done for.The helmet stinks to the core.Quite a lot of stalling at the circuit,some bloody driver went slow while some stopped suddenly.It was fun riding full speed on the longer circuit but just the stalling problem.

Haiz...I have to attend some function at KL.I thought it wasn't an emergency but it is..Noor urged me to go.I don't want to bring him down since he introduced me to this stuff.I thought everything was settled.They should have not bought the tickets first..I hate owing people...crap.If I don't go,the money will be wasted and my friend will be dissapointed.I want to go out with my dearest on the weekends..but,I just have to.For the sake of my friend..besides its an annual thing.Guess I should go and meet the important business people.Wish me luck there.

Tomorrow I should go and register for the data entry job first thing in the morning.I have to secure it then next monday I will be able to start work.

Exhausted...confusion..I'm gona tell this once...

2005-03-07T09:42:00.000-08:00

Seems like I have been avoiding classes and lectures.I bought a cigarette pack today.I am soooooo happy.Couldn't hold on much longer it seems.Been..3 days I guess or 4 days.Heh

Training today was tough..had to go climb around the rock gym for 3 rounds..then have to do push-ups,dips and jumping jacks.Extra 5 push-ups each tome you fall down once.I think I owed around +15.I am like sooooooo freaking tired...doing +100 bloody push-ups until I couldn't climb probably and stopped climbing the 1/2 round of the 3rd round.But somehow...I really liked it..to be able to train my strength and endurance.A meeting was held after the training.It was about attendance and the coaches.The committee stresses out that the attendance had been dwindling and freshies had been taking it lightly,which I totally agree.Then they stresses how much effort the coaches had put in to make things prepared for us in the coming of competitions.We should appreciate them and not complain of what tasks they give us.Well,I want to thank the coaches for doing that for us.Eventhough one of them were paid coaching us in TP,but the other coach came down just to help us.It's really meaningful.Thanks..I hope I won't let you down any more...

Haiz..I don't know what to feel but I was really stressed to the core.I know that I am being a bastard for stealing my friend's love interest.But,things happen for a reason.I felt in love with her..My friend accepted it.But,he admits that he has avoided her after we stead with each other.He told me that he needs some time off from her because he knows that she is my gf.He needs to cool off.Some more he got projects to do and other things too.I'm pretty sure things will get better eventually.You can't expect it to be like last time..people change for a reason.I cycled to my brother's place to get the Linux book.I give it to my friend so that he could pass it to my gf.That way they will talk and know what to do..if they know what to do that is..haiz..

I just hate being in between 2 people.Why do I always be in the middle?I'm trying the best I can to heal them both,but somehow...it just takes time.Patience is imminent.Another thing...I hate to see or hear girls crying..it bring sad memories...until I have no reason to cry.I don't like to hear them cry...I just don't like it.Once I hear them cry..I will get to the bottom of it...even if violence is necessary but of course we should have a person-to-person talk with each other rather than jumping to conclusions.That is what I did.Girls are fragile...handle them properly guys.I know that it is frustrating but get to know the truth first rather than assuming.When you heard the this 2 words "Break up",this is not a playful thing.If you say this to me,I'll get frustrated and I'll get stressed out.It ain't a nice way of words especially when you love that person so much that it hurts when he/she says that to you.It really...really..flaring up the emotions in me.It's not wonderful,joyous, or even fun.If you want to "break up" with someone,use a good reason rather than a obnoxious reason which I find very immature till it boils me up.I can get very pissed..very the fucking pissed.But I hold everything inside because I know that I'm going to do the right thing to solve things.Don't make hasty decisions or assuming things.Find out clearly the whole truth.It's better than hurting someone by saying that...Haiz..alright...I think I need to go to sleep..I'm really tired...I had too much to think about today...well gudnites..

The voices in my ear...troubled...

2005-03-05T08:01:00.000-08:00

Haiz..today seems like a troubled day.I wonder what is happening around me.My friend is ignoring me..haiz.Another fren is suffering financial issues and my love is having problems as well.I hope I can help them..if not.I am not capable of doing anything.i wish to help the best I can.I rather help others than help myself.I am not that important.I'll do what is right to mend things back as they were.I don't want anyone to feel miserable.

A dedicated poem..Part 4

2005-03-04T08:22:00.000-08:00

If i pass my feelings to the wind,
it blows to you will you get the hint?
I lie awake on my bed and think
thoughts of you are the number of times I blink.

Your heart was given away I realize,
It haunts me bad, it terrorize
I wish I had said my feelings for you,
But now its too late you have someone new.

I learnt a new lesson people impart,
To sew the torn and mend the heart.
With that someone new i wish you the best,
This is what i call fate, it came as a test.

A dedicated poem..Part 3

2005-03-04T08:17:00.000-08:00

Cause we’re not meant for each other,
I let you go to find another.
What I need is attention,
You said the word love but there’s no devotion.

The words you said I love to hear,
It carries no meaning that’s what I fear.
If now you can see what’s in my heart,
My love for you it’s tearing apart.

Time is little, I’m going soon,
This is for real it’s not like cartoon.
Just as I thought we could be together,
I was wrong, my love for you is left to wither.

A dedicated poem..part 2

2005-03-04T08:15:00.000-08:00

Was with u when I smile,
Was with u when I cry.
In your arms I feel the security
Letting go meaning I'm free

but it's with u I want to be,
cant u just plainly see.
I'm falling deep no one to catch,
the love is there waiting to hatch.

This is different, me n you,
I'd want to be with u if I can.
To go is to know I cant have u,
To stay is to lead the pain.

I met a stranger,
he took with him my heart

A dedicated poem...Part 1

2005-03-04T08:14:00.000-08:00

the fact that i fear
feelings crashing thru
the one i noe not long ago

as i battle the strength
so great and real
i backed away n gain failure

i'd let it go for once
to hold my tears
to see from a distance

a distance too far away
from my reach
u heard me sigh, my last cry

Patiently waititng...

2005-03-04T07:07:00.000-08:00

I hate..
To wait..
As time..
Flows by..
All I..
ever thought..
Was her..
That is..
In my Mind..

Her face..
Blooms dearly..
Like a..
Bright sunflower..
That never..
Cease to..
Lighten up..
My day..
Till its..
So dark..

Her scent..
Of all..
Pulls you..
So closely..
To her..
Pallid skin..
That is..
Soft to..
The touch..
I wonder..
Sighful thoughts..

When will..
She come..
Home quickly..
And talk..
To me..
Where will..
She be..
In this..
Late hour..
The longer..
I wait..
It ends..

Steel runs..
Through my..
Red veins..
The anxiousness..
Of her..
Returning home..
Makes me..
Sweat in..
Pure nervousness..

A thought..
That jumps..
Into conclusions..
What the..
Fuck was..
I thinking..
You are..
Just being..
Paranoid as..
Per normal..

Let the..
Judgement of..
Truth begin..
For this..
Wait of..
Questions cannot..
Hold on..
Much longer..
Patience running..
So dryly..
Smother me..

Linux...WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU!

2005-03-04T01:05:00.000-08:00

Grrrrr..why must girls be so over-sensitive now..makes my heart boil..was just playing around..jeez.I had a very boring day..got no plans..no nothing..not a single fucking plan.All I could do is kill fucking time.And I'm getting pissed with Linux.The fucking book is not at my home..maybe it's at my 1st bro's home..wana go outs with my gf oso she's busy with her friend...haiz..oh wellz..this makes up my day.Fukkity fuk fuk fukkity fuk fuk..my head is killing me...can't even find my fucking glasses..fuck it.Maybe I should get one of those knives that I played in school today..will truly make my day..

20TH Birthday..2nd March..

2005-03-03T00:01:00.000-08:00

I remembered what my mom told me the time I was born.It was about +2.30am in the morning and I was born into this world.I feel its just so fast I am getting older..the age gap between my brothers are like so faaaar away.I am beginning to think that things always change for a reason each time I reached my birthdays.My mind began to widen out to all new kinds of things that happens in my life.How will I adapt to such changes..well..join it or rebel against it.I feel there's a new beginning in each path I take.I will never forget how I overtaken it.In the meantime,just live my life to the fullest and don't forget those who are my friends.I thank you.

I spent my birthday with my gf.She didn't know what to get for me so we kinda went shopping and bought 2 shirts for me.Atticus Black shirts.Kinda cool though.Before that..I got my caffe creme cigarillos.It taste like coffee.Smooth to the end..like a french kiss...haha.Been wanting to get those,well I got it.It can lasts me about 3 days it seems.10 sticks of cigarillos inside.Nice flavour not to mention.Coffee..my favourite caffeine drink.After that,went to the movies to watch white noise.It's kinda a good movie.It's about a guy who lost his wife and somehow his wife contacted him through his cellphone eventhough his wife's cellphone was switched off.It was freaky but the ending part is kinda..not surprising.It was a nice movie though.It's cool.Well darlz,eventhough you didn't get to be the last to wish me happy birthday as we talked on the phone last night and somehow both of us dozed to sleep.It is just the thoughts that counts.Really is Sweets..love ya..thanks for for buying the shirts and spending time with me.That is all that I want. :D

Well,my rock-climbing pals saboed me..tore my pants' string.It was not that bad as I expected.Hahaha.Jumped over me like some chimps and pulling my pants off.Even pull my underwear.Basket.. :P

Other people wished me on my birthday.Msn people,rock-climbing,lepak people and lastly my ex.She messaged me.Oh wellz,thanks I guess.A new born life...just like that huh..with a new love.I'm happy as it is now.Another person who truly loves me..and whom I can love back.Thank you..I am totally grateful..haiz..missed ya Dee..

What the...

2005-03-01T07:21:00.000-08:00

What a morning..oh should I say..who the FUCK is that guy who ruin my birthday mood..just when I was expecting a good mood,something popped up.Haiz..who the FUCK is that guy..fucking pissed me off.

Looks..honesty..faithfulness..

Simply put..The definition of average looks for me is..between ugly and beauty.What more do I want?I don't care how you look but as long as you had a personality that is suited for me.I will always love you..All I want is understanding..that is but enough to me..nothing more..I want to be honest..no lies but straight to the point.Do you love lies?Is that it?I am being faithful.I'm not cheating or wanting any other girls..just one is enough.Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder..never underestimate people..Don't get eaten up by words by other bloody strangers.You are you,and they are they.They don't know you well enough to say something about looks.What the FUCK should I care what people say some things of me.You don't know me to judge me.I am what I am,and I am Me.

Sorry if this is brief or something explicit.This is my FUCKING blog so I can write what FUCK I desire and what I don't FUCKING desire.I need a smoke..even a FUCKING pack is costly.FUCK!

Whatever it is..dun make fun of my dad..

2005-02-27T20:09:00.000-08:00

What I hate to hear people making fun of my dad..it ain't nice.He may be old but I trust that he could handle things safely in driving.He's a person of bad direction but he's good at driving and keep steadily at a speed rather than speed off like some dumbass.He may be senile but..I love my dad even though I hate his complaints.He's a good father and that is to show he cares his children more than any father in this world..sorry dad.

Well..I'm sorry to say this but I can't help thinking about quitting school.Financial issues just screwed up my life.It has always been.I feel likes its a curse that I am the youngest son and the age gap difference is so freaking far.Plus,I'm going to be 20 soon in a few days.I feel its time for me to support myself rather than rely on my parents for they have other issues to deal with.More importantly my brothers.I can handle myself.I will learn to adapt to this and be responsible for my actions.I can't hinder my parents anymore or else I'll become a burden.So..please understand that I can't go back like I use to or enjoy.I had done that most of the time.I'm truly sorry Dee if I didn't attend my classes.I know you cared..and I do cared for you.Don't end up like me aight.You still got another year to go.Do well sweets.Everything will be alright soon.Concentrate hard..as for me...Only Time Will Tell.

I'm in love and its true..

2005-02-27T07:09:00.000-08:00

Wahaha..been writing about love these days.Guess I am really crazy in love..I went out with her after she finishes work today.Looks like her workplace is kinda..security tight.Biometrics,security surveillances and guard dogs,the works.We head ta Sengkang today.Compasspoint I think.4 storeys high,kinda reminds me of Tampines Mall.Window-shopping all the way,but we bought ourselves a 500ml bottle of ice lemon tea and sushi!My favourites!

Was wondering though,where's my uncle since he works at Cold Storage as a storekeeper.I remembered..working full-time in Cold Storage is tough..especially working at Chinasquare.Too little manpower and the last I remembered..some tattooed guy took place after me.Haha,I guess they were really desperate.

Well,enough of that.We went to Pasir Ris next.She have not been to some parts of Pasir Ris.I tried to show her around though.Hope that it is ok sweets.The beach was kinda hot for a few moments.Then slowly,it subsides.It was nice talking to her.She listens to every word I say and I listen to hers.We hang out till it was at 8.We embraced each other and things just went smoothly.It was filled with love..haiz..

After that,I send her at her hometown.She was disturbed by some bloody MatRips or whatever they call themselves.Want to die is it..

Anyways,I don't want things to get complicated by controlling her.It won't be nice and conflicts will tend to happen.Whatever it is,we need to keep an eye for each other if anything happens.Love..is like a red,red rose..it is beautiful but is sharp with torns.I enjoyed today..thank you.

Splendour in love...

2005-02-25T09:13:00.000-08:00

What a blissful noon..I can't get the thoughts out of my head..haha.I felt soooooo happy.Hang out at town..read some books..window-shopping some clothes and things..eat my favourite ice cream..loving someone who doesn't have a bad direction..walking around Fort Canning Park..hearing people scream from the G-Max thing..intimate romancing couples..Gay hub..chicken rice with mushroom sauce..Star Wars-type of helmet..hmmmm..lastly..cleaning ears..haha.I would say it was fun fun fun fun fun fun and yet...exciting moments that captured my heart..thank ya sweets.Love ya thousands more. :D

The thoughts of doubtless love...

2005-02-24T04:19:00.000-08:00

I wonder..how long we can be like this together?I felt something wrong is clouding my doubts.I missed her too much,but I had to contain myself before it became just like my past.How I wish I could just hug her now and tell her how much I love her..it all seems like sweet romance that I felt burning inside of me.She reminded me of the sign she made on McSpicyDouble chicken patty "I Love U".She made a heart shape instead of the word love.She's so sweet.Hehe..geeraaaaaaaam nyeeeeee!!Nak cuuuubiiiit!!Haiz..I need to be innovative..for her.Well..I have a phrase in mind..Diamonds are like friends,because it can last forever.I hope everything goes well..just had a feeling..

A day of sparkles...

2005-02-23T11:57:00.000-08:00

Seems like there's another fireworks display at Esplanade today later on during the night.It reminds me of the time that I had been in Sentosa with her...It's really refreshing.Pure love,not hatred.I had fun with my love one yet again this week.Going out with her..just makes me miss her so much much more.We went to Raffles place and had dinner at McDonalds in Liang Court Mall.Then take a walk along Clark Quey'z row of pubs and restaurants.It was really nice to see fireworks again..I guess they are closing Chinese New Year with a big bang.I don't want to emphasize on what we did together or not people will get jealous.Hehehe..Haiz..couldn't wait when will that other day be.

A Kissable night...

2005-02-21T21:27:00.000-08:00

Again,another unique night with that special someone in my heart.Kissed her too much and hug her so tight..how I missed her sooooo much.Eventhough it's a short period of time that the person you love was not by your side,you can tell by the way she/he reacts towards you in some intervals of time.To tease her is also a tendency of my playfulness.Hehehe.She shakes around and smile as I began to tease naughtily towards her by pretending that I wanted to kiss her.Haha,it was really cute the way she reacts shyly.

I could still remember clearly that night.A long-lasting kiss..that seems an exquisite passion that pours out from our hearts towards each other.Her scent of perfume lightens the atmosphere so much,that I wouldn't want to let go of her.I am deeply in love with this gurl....yeah sweets..

How I wish though..everything would be normal.No lies,no deceits..all clean sheet in a new born life.Even between friends,would I not want to let the friendship die because of what we had been through together.Sometimes...a guilt of selfishness will numb my thoughts.I hate things to be like this..it's just not right.Well,all I could do is hope for the better as each day goes by.I wonder...what will my future be like since a new love is by my side now.Only one phrase can solve my curiosity..."Only Time Will Tell"

I would never forget those words from an AR brother of mine..Thank you Sampson..I hope everything goes well and ends well for you..

2005-02-20T08:39:00.000-08:00

~~HumanDustBin~~

2005-02-20T08:37:00.000-08:00

~~MyLifeInPaint~~

2005-02-19T20:44:00.000-08:00

~~PinkyInvertedLove~~

Intrigued by the fireworks...

2005-02-19T09:17:00.000-08:00

I should say that I had the most..loveliest day that I ever known..it's beautiful and unexpected.Went ta Sentosa,seeing all types of places and attractions.It's been quite awhile I venture around the island with someone.Had lots of laughter and crappy insults against each other as we go along.At last we winded up at the twin towers at Pahlawan Beach,it was a beautiful night.Filled with shining stars,I look at her and the tiny eyes of hers.We were talking at first and was side by side on one of the towers...then the unexpected happen.Fireworks sprang out into the skies.We watched it together as the bright and colourful fireworks flare up the sky.Then,something magical happened during that night..we hold each other.After that,we could not lay our hands off from each other even a moment.We kept embracing each other warmly.We talked and hold each other.Soon after that...another magical thing happen..we kissed..gently and delicately.I felt joyous with love..my heart went overjoy and so does hers.I felt Love..destiny says it all.I thank God for this..it's really unexpected..thank you...

A feeling with fun...

2005-02-18T09:58:00.000-08:00

I have fun today..it feels like it's a Sunday morning..felt I never want to leave but it's late.Kinda warms my heart on that day.Watched Hide and Seek.It was one of the surprise movies that I liked.it recently just got out from the movies.A father who had multiple personality.It's an interesting story.A daughter who was caught between her Father and a Murderer who was inside of him.It's not a comedy type of movie.Who the hell told me its a comedy type of movie?Should have known better.

Aniwaes,I better not rush things.Must take it slowly and learn before anything happens...

Gd nites...

In my shoes..

2005-02-17T08:02:00.000-08:00

To think of the past brings a familiar feeling in my heart.I wonder..does everything is in binded by fate..been having too many heavy De ja vus..almost everything that I had I seen or been to...makes me think that I had been there before.It's a weird feeling,I do not know whether it's a blessing.Well...the only thing that could solve this mindless thoughts of mine is with God..something has to end and begin somewhere.I just know it..the guilt of stealing one's happiness..reminds me of my past;My Selfishness.No time to think..chillz..

The views..

2005-02-15T07:18:00.000-08:00

I have been wondering what I'm gona do with my life.If I ever get kicked out of school,the first thing I would do would sign on Police.From there on,I'm gona start trying to save up for business.I had done some calculations and from what I could see..I will living quite busy.I could take Diploma while working in Police.Part-time diploma.I could either choose Diploma or Private Diploma.It all accounted to the things I'm going to do in this 5 years serving as a cop.Gona do some business stuffs.Everything has come with a plan.That is my back-up plan if it ever gets to worse.

About the rock team,things are not going smoothly as it is.Attitudes began to inspire fury to the coaches.Freshies are not performing that well enough and I could see the numbers dwindling in the club.The committee is dwindling too.The determination in rock-climbing is apparently hold at the neck.Even if you can't finish that route,the least you could do was try so many times.Don't just sit down, talk or stare at people,climb dammit!Even so,then train yourself in strenght.That is what I'll do if I can't climb anymore.Just pull ups,push ups,sit ups or crunches.I admit that I don't have the techniques yet but I am determined to get those polished up.There's a selection of ranking in the club.I better train hard coz this time it's either you are in or out.The murmurs of my friend still lingers in my mind.."Do it for the love of the team"...I wonder..

Valentine's Day...Hatred still lives on..

2005-02-13T11:13:00.000-08:00

Love turns into hatred.That is what I am feeling on this Valentine's Day.Thinking of the times of how I spend it just makes me angry.The love inside that I feel is broken.

Broken sadness,twisted fury.

Nothing more than just empty words in my heart.I could think of many curses in my mind.

Damnation.Forsaken thoughts.

Should I live or die?It doesn't matter.

All I could think is...Blood-thirsty Revenge.

To be fair,to be complete.

My heart and mind is not at peace.

It will never cease.

I would like to wish those who are happy with their love ones,don't let the love die in each other.Cherish well and don't lose sight of each other.Be as one as the clouds and blue skies.

Have a happy Valentine's Day.

2005-02-13T11:11:00.000-08:00

~~MeAnd1/2FullTpClimbers~~

2005-02-13T10:50:00.000-08:00

~~LivingInADigitalWorld~~

2005-02-12T19:49:00.000-08:00

~~AnArmyOfMe~~

Work..Yishun..ET..where do I start..Valentine's Day??

2005-02-11T09:30:00.000-08:00

I just came back from work..counting the number people is a piece of cake but waiting to count them is a boring job.I am doing some counter surveying at Chinatown.For 4 hours,you have to just stay at one spot and do all the counting.It's easy but..my butt hurts and so does my legs.Me,Muhamad,Skodeng,Joop and Maya are doing the job.Too bad I can't head out to Sunday's gig at Paradigm...a friend of mine is performing..oh wellz..Happy werking!

Tomorrow will be heading out to Yishun SAFRA again for rock-climbing.They have nice tiles out there.Most of them are jugs,nothing more.Its so high up there..you could really see the whole town of Yishun.You gotta do it to see it to believe it.Couldn't wait.

Seems like {AR} clan are having an UnPatchedLeague on one of the shrub servers.I wish I could be a part of it,but I understand that the connection with the server can be a sort of a problem since I am in Singapore and the server is probably at...I don't know...Europe or USA maybe. :S In any case,I wish you guys who participated in it all the best.Good luck with the match and God speed my {AR} brothers. :D

Valentine's Day..how I wish I could fill my day with love,but..it is not meant to be.Love sucks.Perish with it along my emptiness of warmth and comfort that I ever knew.Thank you bitch for letting that happen.

Update:Happy Chinese New Year!

2005-02-07T10:11:00.000-08:00

Alright,added a new wallpaper to my site.I hope ya like it.A photo of me at my friend's bdae so I edited the pic.Any comments please Tag the board.

Wellz,I went climbing today..skipped classes again.Heh,I'm bad..oh well.I heard that Tuesday,is gona be half-day and the rest of the days...no classes but holiday.Woo-hoo!Just my luck.Well,I'm gona work.Asked Joop about the job he offers.Maybe be working at Chinatown,surveying people.Oh wellz,hopefully I get though.Wun keep my hopes up.Well,Happy Chinese New Year n a Gong Xi Fa Cai to all those Chinese peepz out there. ^.^

Update

2005-02-06T07:42:00.000-08:00

Added few music videos on the site.Be sure to check it out.

Update:Beating to the rhythm

2005-02-05T23:35:00.000-08:00

Wow,what a night.I partied all night at Chinablack with ma frens.Things just couldn't get more hotter than yesterday night till today's morning.I was soaking in sweat dancing.Things just couldn't simply get worse.Dance,dance and dance.I couldn't stop the music flowing through my mind.Tons of music I did not expect to turn up in the club.For example,Linkin park,Jet,Blur and Nirvana most off all.Nirvana:Smells like teen spirit was my favourite song when I was like I duno..6-10 yrs old.I thought I was gona climb yesterday but a change of plans.I was glad eventhough I didn't climb,but I went to club just to have fun and groove to RnB,Rock,Reggae,House,Techno,Trance and Drum n Bass.Even bangla trance is on.Could feel the pulse of my heart go Bam-bam-bam!Bam-bam-bam!This is my 3rd exp.I was hyped to the core...phew.

Before I head to town,I meet her again accidentally at Tampines Interchange.As I came out from the toilet beside the small Mac.She walked right pass me.I smile at her because I was kinda surprised I guess.Then she just ignore me.Well,guess her ego is still impenetrable as ever.Well,I didn't wait to talk to her like I use to.I just rush to the POSB bank.The sight of her ignorant face will always be there. Her uninvited attention that draws me closer to her is making me reluctant to wait for her.Hatred pulls me away from her.I guess we won't be friends or anything.Just couple of strangers.You love it don't you.So here it is.I won't take sympathy or pity of you any more.You are confused and stupid which I find hard to believe at first.Heh,whatever it is.I hate you.

Update

2005-02-04T18:16:00.000-08:00

Now um feeling numb in the morning reading my fren's entry.Haiz,I duno whether sometimes it's a good thing to be honest or to be a liar.When I'm honest,people get hurt.When I lied,people don't get hurt.What is the matter these days..kinda remind me of last time..and I thought being honest is a good policy.It's becoming a burden..a sin."Berani buat berani tanggung"..haha,yeah I do that..but sometimes I have flashbacks with things I don't want to remember.It's a nuisance."Berani kerana benar",sometimes I hate this idiom.You just won't know what will happen the next time you being honest.I learn a lesson or two from that..gotta keep being truthful..

Had a dream..I dream about my old flame.At first we talked and embraced,soon after..I hated her.I hated her to the core that I just go away and walked in anger.It's prove that dreams is also affected with reality.Just thinking of it makes me cold-blooded..

Life's sweetest moments..becomes the greatest Sin..

2005-02-04T07:16:00.000-08:00

Been thinking too much today..the feeling to keep continuing what I do is constantly breaking slowly.It has been quite some time that I have not think too much.I can't sleep properly and I will never rest easily till my mind is clear of all the troubles that is in my head.Sometimes when you thought you had the greatest moment in your life it just suddenly becomes a Sin.I'm becoming like that.And I sin too much.I'm starting to complain the things I had done.It's clear that whatever I do will become a sin.Whatever people say or do it affects me.Lose friends,lose my family bonds and lose myself.Open minds becomes the sickest minds.What I do from now on it kills me softly to the point of everything is just hopeless things.

Dreams lost..

The Will to strive on..

Makes it harder to continue..

In the end..

All you have to do is rely..

On yourself..

The things I adore..

Becomes the things..

That I hate..

To continue hating..

And hating..

Till Death condemns me..

Update:Ala-ka-blondah! 2nd Part

2005-02-03T11:15:00.000-08:00

Yeah,dyed my hair a few times again..now it looks good.I hate people calling me Mat Tapered for no reason as for my hair colour.Do you have a real problem with that?Jeez,look I may colour my hair but um not gona tapered my pants,shirt or whatsoever that includes me in that Mat stream.Knn..and um not a dumb blonde either.Bloody Wak..got the cheek to say thatHeh
Wellz,last entry bout da bdae thing.Sorry aight Fadz n 2 u too Ikin if I did anitin wrong ta ya sis.Wasn't trying ta be mean..sorries..

Guilty for a reason..

2005-02-02T09:35:00.000-08:00

Oh man,I feel guilty for making a fren sad.It all began today at rock..everyone remembers her bdae..and..things get kinda nasty.Thought of like doing something ta sabo her bdae might let her feel wholesome that everyone knows..but the sabotage is kinda harsh.She was dumbed into the dustbin..and it stinks bad.Everyone will get saboed when you are in the Temasek rock-climbing team.Like it or not,it's a tradition.But I guess it was not her day..I heard that she cried before the day after..that brings guilt in my heart.Especially when you had laughed at that person and then suddenly realise he/she is having some lousy days.She was pissed at everyone.Some of the people were worried about her.I was.Even if it is not a gurl,I am still worried about the condition of that person.I didn't thought of saboing her,but I was in the act too.Actions speak louder than words.I was just being cheeky.Shit,if I had known sooner..well,I hope that things get well for her..crap.Couldn't stop thinking but apologising to her with the behalf of other climbers who was in the act and laughed at her.I hate hearing tears from a gurl.It's just a bad memory for me...it's a mistake..
I feel that there are some posers in our club but I don't wana mention names..I don't know what they wana achieve at all..bloody hell..

Update:Ala-ka-Blon-dah!

2005-02-01T09:30:00.000-08:00

Finally,I dyed my hair.Dark copper red hair with blonde streaks..makes me look like those gangstas that don't owe us a living.I'm just me being me.She saw my hair and was shocked.I was surprised she was inside the 7-11.I felt like crap that she had to be there to see my new hair.I don't know what's wrong with me but,I'll do whatever I like.I don't really give a damn.Appreciate me for what I am and who I am not just looks.It's sad these days.Oh well,dun wana talk about it..reminds of the past that I wish to forget.Been training this weekend..and my damn phone couldn't send pics through my email...crap..my digital camera eats the battery energy so damn fast.Couldn't even get a decent shot.Well..probably ask someone to take pics of me and send it through the internet tomorrow.

Update done

Sleepless rest..update

2005-01-29T14:13:00.000-08:00

Finally I got home,feel lazy to sleep now.Haha,been an exciting day yesterday.I went ta Clarke Quay to witness a competition;Rockmasters Open category was full of competition.There are plenty of skillful climbers I have ever seen.I registered for it though,but not for the sake for me to join.But mostly,for the sake of getting my friend,Fir-E,his Rockmasters shirt.It's way out of my league to join Open. :P
I supported almost every climber on that bouldering wall.It's cheers that counts to moralize those climbers to keep pushing on to finish that route.A job well done I would say with the spectates.All walks of life witness the competition.Although they are hastiness in some of the climbers,but fair play.Met my old buddy,Acap,at the Open.We had lots to talk about.He's currently an NYP student and climber.I could remember those old times we had during Sec 1 and 2,plus religious classes we were in.Heh,long memories.First time went to Liang Court,Nyssa,Saad n XinSiu can't stop blabbering about a Jap guy they saw at the supermarket below.Maya too went ta see da Jap guy and compares me wit him.Haha,I noe that um not that cute but I have my dignity.Oh wellz,guess gurls will be gurls and boyz will be boyz.Met da SP guy I made frens with but I kinda forgot his name..crap,I always forgot people name when I first knew them.He will be a tough competition in the coming Rock-climbing comps,but he's a good guy.It will be fun.Met alot of people and took alotta pics with Saad's camera.Had dinner after the competition and then strait to Pasir Ris where I hang out wit Fazli n Ahmad fer awhile.Then went Ta Ahmad's place ta play his Xbox.Halo is a pretty boring game ta me especially the repetetive gameplay.All the same maps I see.Dead or Alive 2 is one game I love to play,heheheh.Finally I know how to switch people to create more combos.It's cool.I thought that I could smoke sheesha with Azri and his friends but I got no cash.Called me alotta times but didn't pick up.Sorry bro,something was in my mind.
Oh yeah,kinda reminds me what I did yesterday.Dancing..dirty dancing.Haha.Well,me and my fren dance to the beat of my Sony Ericsson phone.It's called Carnival Remix and a few other songs that she let me download from her Nokia phone.I didn't think it was possible either that I could download it from a Nokia phone.She was showing her moves.It's cool.Told her that she could be a dancer.All she had to do is learn some more right moves and she's in.A close fren o'mine and I want ta keep it as that.Nothing more or less.Had lots of fun with her.Did childish stuffs and lots of laughs.Haha,sprayed vanilla coke on me from her mouth when I was dancing silly.Fun,fun and fun.What more than to enjoy a week of fun.

Apocalyse comin and um climbing..

2005-01-28T07:20:00.000-08:00

Alright,where do I start..I been climbing as much as possible these week and the way that I see in myself.I'm getting stronger.But gotta train my stamina too.Been to Yishun Safra and Tanjong Pagar:ClimbAdventure.Nice places that I had gone to climb.I did bad for Rockmasters Novice category.It's not that hard but I didn't plan carefully...should have plan carefully in my mind.Been a wonderful week but I have not yet started on my project.Crap..um gona die next week.Well..look at the bright side of life..given the circumstances to enjoy these weekend um gona use it to the fullest.Tomorrow will be sheesha day after I watch and support my frens who took part in Rockmasters Open category.I'm not quite sure whether to go for sheesha or perhaps do other things.Hopefully I have enuff cash for tomorrow.I could buy some cigarilloz when um at it.Gona make new frens and meet some interesting stuffs.I'll update when I get home.

My works..

2005-01-27T13:56:00.000-08:00

I have been doing some works while I was away so here it is.I hope that it is not crude

Back online...update

2005-01-27T13:25:00.000-08:00

Site is back online..been trying to find a good source of music and material.Well,here it is for now. Enjoy.

The meaning of...

2004-12-22T10:28:00.000-08:00

Sorrow
The dark end
Feeling of losing hope
Thirst in silence

Everyday being alone
Suffice with suffering
Taking things for granted
Sadness seeping in

Tears of hatred
A long awaken sleep
Ignorance everyday
Making patience abliss

You blow in anger
Cursing God unjustly
Kissing him with fists
Up in the sky

Knowing defeat
Makes me learn a thing or two
Never love someone
Who can't be there for you

Weak will you heel
Along these broken thoughts
Sick will you feel
Bored of these mental strains

Exhaustion do I feel
Upon how I step
Through the pains of life
In forsaken dreams

How I wish
Life can be simpler
Than just staying
In the shadows of hell

My time has come
To taste bitterness
In the solemn nights
Through the end

Amend

Site construction...period

2004-12-19T09:45:00.000-08:00

My weblinks are in construction right now..so gotta wait till I find a better link.

A Relaxing and Happening Day

2004-12-14T20:30:00.000-08:00

Let me see. How shall I start..first of all..I would like to say thanks to those who invite me to their circle of friends and share laughs with each other. It was truly meaningful. I have been out-dated for not taking care of my blog and been downloading movies ever since. Heh, well it was quite a fun week. I went to book my RTT(Riding Theory Test) with the whole package along with the practical and theory lessons. I finally got to book the thing that I wanted all in my life as a rider. I ain't gona be rough but don't tempt my ride, heh. Then after that, we went for some sheesha at Al-Majlis in Bugis but before we went there. We went to Beach Road at first to eat. We ordered 2 chicken rice(sambal and pepper sauce each) and 1 Roti John Special Cheese. The sugarcane juice they made was not bad at all and for just $1 for such a large cup. Woo! We were so full and had to walk back to Al-Majlis for sheesha. As we got there, we sat down on the couch and ordered Mango Flavour Sheesha. We reached there at 3pm and head out like 7pm. We were there all the time playing Domino and smoking sheesha. It's paradise I tell ya. Para-para-paradise! After that, head out to Suntec City for some cigarillos. If you boys and girls do not know what is a cigarillo, then I'll do some explaining. Cigarillo is a kinda like a mini cigar. It's kinda like a normal cigarette size for some. Made by the finest Cuban leaves. If you want to try smoke some cigar, try cigarillo. If you wana try at your own risk, be my guest and don't try to be a hero that you smoke it like a cigarette. It's totally different. Much stronger. So we bought 2 cigarillo made by Monte Cristo. I tasted Davidoff before, its much smoother than Monte Cristo. Monte Cristo kinda taste like Bolivia, which is one of the cigars that I smoked before. First puff can choke you to hell. From Suntec City, we walked all the way to Clarke Quey to head to the Speaker's Corner where the Hip Hop Fest was held. Along the way, there was a gig at the Esplanade. I do not know whether it was punk, skin or ska gigs. But mostly all of them was there lol. As I walked with my friend, we heard someone say that their friend was beaten up at the Padang. My friend wanted to go and watch but I was reluctant to be in someone's else business. It was a nice walk, met my friend under the bridge opposite Esplanade and experience new sights and sounds along the way. After that we went to 7-Eleven which was behind the Speaker's Corner. Bought some nachos and a drink. We went to watch the Hip Hop Fest from outside at first for about 25 mins at least, then we got to go inside due to the help of my friends, BFC(BreakForceCrew). Hehehehe. Me and my friend join up with our pals who were in the Hip Hop Fest and chill down to Rap and RnB music. Joe Flizzow was smooth as hell in his rap MC battle. Woo! Yeah-yeah! Too bad Malique didn't get to come down. Man, but the show must go on. Been quite a long time since I been to Hip Hop gigs. And people think I dun look like someone who would appreciate Hip Hop, haha. Well, I dun think you noe much bout me but I listen to many types of music. It's not I am an all-rounder or anything. I just love to listen to music. Everyone loves music. It's just the way people take the type of genre of music. I considered too many lol. Call me insane or stupid but I have my own choices. Well, the Hip Hop fest was great but too many cheesy crews on stage, plus BFC didn't get to perform that night. What a disappointment. Because of them, we did get in for free and I wanted to support them in their performance. Damn those lousy organisers, and plus those other crews performing out there, who gets to chunk in 4 songs in 1 performance. No wonder it is long. We waited till 12 midnight for them to get started and in the end it never did. So, me and my other pals join up with the BFC and wait up for them to head out. I do not know what happened, but I support them all the way. Even Taufik Batisah get to have a last performance. Damn that ()!&@*(!^#&!! Bloody stupid fools! Oh well, nuff said. I went home with some of the BFC peeps and had a great day. It was a relaxing and happening day. Thanks guys and peeps who were with me on that day. Just when I think it's gona get boring since I can't go out with someone I want...screw it.

Being tied at the end...sleepless nights..

2004-12-01T11:41:00.000-08:00

Sometimes, you feel it's those days that you have everything you wanted at the palm of your hand but...that person that you wana talk to so much is not there to talk to you. Feels shitty at the end, to have the patience to wait for so long and yet at the last moment she can't talk to you and listens to you but your friends. And at that point, you begin to realise what a boring day you had with no one you truly love to just be there and listens. Sometimes I feel like that. Wanting ta share what I had done during the day with ma love. Perhaps talked for like 3 hours or so. And still, you are still stuck to reality that it's just a dream. You are taking things for granted. Although you tell your friends what happen to you during that day, it's just not the same as telling your love ones. I'm glued. I'm stuck. I can't get out. I got lost. Somebody pull me back from this dream. Ain't funny no more..

Last job on the terminal..one love..

2004-11-26T06:11:00.000-08:00

I finally found ma suga back..all this while I realised that there will only be one love..and that strength is the only one that I want in my life. I wish it wud stay tat way..in the meantime..gona quit that stupid airport job and go raye wit ma old secondary school mates. It's been awhile that I hang out with them. It's saturday already...damn..that's fast. I didn't keep track of the day and date of the month ever since I worked. Another job is on the way..Security Guard at the Sesame Street show. Started so late..I didn't know there's another batch of security work for the first week..One-teeth penguin(Patrick) didn't kol me...stupid mammal..haha. Oh well, gona start next week. One love..N&Z..

Lousy feeling...lousy month..

2004-11-15T07:34:00.000-08:00

Seems like I'm truly not enjoying myself during this raya. It just feel ain't the same and I been feeling shit over and over again. I don't give a damn about the money. I just wana work. I know it's not about money during hari raya but visiting relatives. I have no mood to celebrate this year. I just can't bother with it anymore. I feel condemned with everything I had or once had. Just ain't my month no more...ain't my month...

Work work work...

2004-11-09T07:13:00.000-08:00

Looks like I have been pretty busy with work and the OA in my team is pissing me off. I worked hard and yet got criticised again and again. Jeez..stop nagging.. Anywaes I got my MP3 but...256MB. Stupid work, they just gave me exactly $256...I suppose to get $352. Oh well, at least I got my MP3 for just $189. The remaining spent for food, smokes and MC. I had to pay $40 for MC. I tot I only suffer from gastric. But sadly with fever. I coughed blood on that day. Oh wellz, it's not I have TB. Who cares. Alright..my next pay I'll have to pay Joop for lending me $10 and $50 for Reef's sandals, hair treatment, Motor License and shoes, plus $200 for my mom and dad. I hope I have enuff money to spend for myself....Working hard is sad but...you gotta remember...money comes in not out. Heh heh heh. Looks like I have been to Geylang 5 times now..wah kaoz..feel rotten for going there so much. Good and bad memories doesn't mix well going there. The guys are gona buy 'Baju Kurung'(Malay Etnic Costume). For me, I planned to buy with someone..but it didn't happen. I dun wish to spend Hari Raya everyday. I'll just celebrate the first day then after that..work all the way. I hope I wun spent anymore of taxi coz I'm sick and tired of paying $8 for just one ride to come to work..well..hope for the best.

One more day...then it's PAY DAY!!!!!$$$Ka-ChiNg$$$

2004-11-03T22:35:00.000-08:00

Yeah baby, one more day and I will get my pay...couldn't wait to get my hands on that MP3 player..Gona buy it then listen it at work. No one can stop me hahahaahahah..Hopefully I get the amount that I earned..or else..I'm gona sue their ass..Today's work was okie. We did a solid job by far. Although there are some dislikes, we still have to do it together. White and Salman ah...den tomoro come. After all me, Joop, Fazli, Ahmad and Khai had done the work without them, we had been dissed by other teams coz we are not doing our work properly. We are new but yet we did our job. Well..gona get my pay in cold hard cash. Can't wait!!!!!!!! WOOHOO!!!! I wonder..what she's doing right now...*sigh* I wonder whether I am the one to be blamed for that day for saying and doing what needs to be done during our last meeting..I wish it could just be the same like ole times. Well, I guess I should not ponder too much with her..there are still more things needed to be done. I should stick to my will to continue skooling in Temasek Poly for the next 2 yrs.
Well, I meet a friend who I had known in mIRC. She's a gamer and I had not seen her skills in CS. And about this IR clan or something she said that is playing in Pavillion..seems a worthy opponent for me to practise with. Somehow people who I used to chat last time kinda found its way back ta me. I had a suspicious feeling something is gona brew in the future. Well, no more love for me. I need time to forget love and enjoy life. It's hard being me..but nothing is absolute in this world. This song, Save Ferris: Come On Eileen is dedicated to the girl that I had missed...my ex. Although your name is not Eileen but..you do mean everything to me..au revoir...

Someone who I miss..don't understand me...

2004-11-02T02:54:00.000-08:00

Life gets more suckier..imgaine when you had a really tiring day and you just wana chill out as usual but this time not with your friends.But instead,with someone who you truly miss...turns out disasterous..that's what happened today. I kinda played Counter-strike today with Joop, Ahmad and Noor after work(Had a good sniping spot on that map and killing is easy.Heh). After that, I went out with my ex,who I had been trying to go out with and missed.., I was kinda in a tired state and I talked a lil. At one point, she was happily talking to me and said something about 'kueh'. So I was looking at the stall booth which was selling and keep quiet. Then suddenly, she got angry immediately saying I was rude for not talking to her and making her talked to herself. I said I hear what she said and was looking at the 'kueh' that they were selling. Then after that, things turn sour. On the way to Tampines Library, we argued. When we went in, she asked me to go home. I was kinda baffled when she said that. Here I am tired and wanted to hang out with her. I was angry at that point of time when she said that. I told her that I would stay with her and she obliged. She kept quiet all the way until we went to the Children's section. After we sat down at a corner, she asked me once again to go home before we broke out into a huge argument. I reasoned out with her and still she misunderstands me....I was very...very dissapointed and sad at the same time that I told her that the person that I knew in her was gone. I stood up and left the scene eventhough she asked me to come back and tell it to her again. I ignored and walked out with my head shaking sadly. I sat opposite the library and smoked. I was stressed out again and was thinking why do I love a person who doesn't understands me. Doesn't my time although I am tired mean anything to her. I msg her telling what I feel at that point of time. I stared at the street with uselessness. A cheerful girl with a big heart...vanished from my memories that I use to know...why.. My love life sucks..I hate this every time that my friends only understands me instead of someone who I truly love...especially when I wanted to get back. There's a part of it that I was at fault because I was rude. But please forgive me...when you love that someone who you use to know doesn't understands you. You wish that life was like last time but it ain't. Reality truly sucks. I felt jealous last few days when my close friend got himself an MP3 by his girlfriend. He didn't know that she bought for him that and was surprise. 'Surprise' is what I want for my birthday...but I did not get what I want. I don't mind any gift from someone who I love whether its cheap or not. Just give me that element of surprise...I wanted that...but turns out to be very disappointing. Since today, I didn't tell my ex a thing because I wanted her to know that by herself. During her pervious birthday, I thought of surprising her but did not. Because I wanted to let her know how it feels. She did feel it but got her present. But one thing for sure, she still doesn't know why I did that to her. The surprise...she misconcepts it that I did not love her any more. I do love her...guess at that point of time I hunger for vengeance because of buying and giving me a present in front of me which I told her on the spot...which I did on her birthday by asking her what she wants. Revenge is sweet but...it ended blindly....... Love hurts and grows. Shit happens...damn it...she baked for me cookies too..so sweet of her..I like them......

Had a great birthday bash last few days ago...my friend had fun. Good for him but bad for me...peace my brother.

A bloody working day...

2004-10-31T11:53:00.000-08:00

Spend a day of hatred during work..this Indonesian OA pissed me off literally.I was doing my share of arranging pockets and she just budge into the picture.She was asking who was sweeping,it was suppose to be Ahmad but he asked me to switch sweeping with him.So I said ok then suddenly she appeared.I was trying to finish the job of arranging the pockets then she asked me to sweep.So I did obediently,I looked around to look for the tiny broom until I had to come out of the aircraft.As I couldn't find it,I went back and get shouted at for lingering around by her.I was trying to find the freaking broom you *****.After that,she told me to change the head dress.My team didn't take the item and so I had to head back down again.Grabbed that head dress and went back up.I gave it to the others when she wasn't there.So I wanted to replace a pillow casing,which was on top of the seat,on a pillow and as I was trying to place it back. I changed my mind because I think it's dirty so I remove it again.Then,that bloody OA saw me and shouted at me again.She scolded me that I did not bring the pillow casing up and I was like WTF should I do you.I was trying to remove the pillow casing.Before all the cleaning started,she told my team it was just touch up so no need to bring up items.After that,I couldn't stand her shouting that I fought back and shouted at her damn face.Now she wants the items onboard.Make up your mind ***** you are an OA.So I went back down again 3 times and grab the pillow case package.I quickly do the pillows and heard what she told another OA about me when on board.I ignored her persistent ramblings and continued my work.She knows I heard her but who cares.After that,she wanted to blame me again for doing the wrong seating.I was like shitty all over again.I quickly do my job and went out of aircraft.Didn't want to see her stinking face.As I got down and chilled,she talked behind my back in her team.I don't really give a damn,she wana work as an OA for aircraft cleaners so be it but dun ruin my day. After getting back with my team,things went normal at last...but I was still bloody pissed at that OA...

SATS..Geylang..New Haircut...Hang Outs..TPK..Shit Happens..

2004-10-23T07:19:00.001-07:00

As I woke up from my great slumber...somebody called me for the working time tomorrow at SATS is 5.40am and they gona pick me up at 4.45am. I dun mind but I hope the work is not gettin a pain in the ass. Some people in ma work are laser talkers, making your blood boil like hell. Thinking that they are so great..bloody people, go work as cleaners all you want but when I 'm gona go overseas and see them who are still working there. Gona spit on the floor for them ta clean with all the flam in ma lungs. Heh, oh wellz. I have been going out to Geylang for 3 consecutive days. Eating Deng Deng all the way these 3 days. Had fun and saw my friends from ma skool and outside frens. Its cool. Went for a haircut yesterday..was flipping through a Jap magazine and album to search for the perfect hair style suitable for me. Was kinda impressed with the way the hair dresser focus her attention on my hair to suit which style for me. I have been always waiting to have Jap style wit lotsa wax. Tot I neva have any use for wax that I bought, but now I have. Been hanging out alot outside, till I didn't have time for my family. I don't noe why um like crazy ta go out eventhough I'm tired. Maybe coz I am sick and tired of staying at home. Confine in total loneliness and playing so much games had taken its toll. I seek so much things that I fail to do. I'm gona do that. We took a video shooting in skool. I had a pretty much idea that we need more training...coz after what I had seen on that day was funny and shocking. Fadzilla almost hit her head on the floor. She hit the puddle on the water and was slightly wet. Ahmad, Joop, White, Fazli, Wak, Sin Xiu and myself was there watching Fadzilla slipped off that wall. We were so surprised and worried, but soon after that we laughed. Then on one of the videos, there was all of us in it without White and Sin Xiu. The camera zoom in each of our face and Fadzillah's..she kinda like.."jeling" at the camera and then she was left behind as me and the others in the video ran outta from the picture after Fazli's turn was over. She walk away slowly from the camera slowly as we ran off like that. Haha it was funny. Need practise. Well..a few days ago something happen..I was kinda surprised when it happens. Why the hell some people never think of the consequence of putting their family into a chaotic state? Damn..after living so many years with your family...it just seems you wanted more. True love means one love. Not many. Was pissed and worried on that night. Shocked to find out what had happened when I thought it was a happy family. Guess again. Another person, who just lost himself in a void of darkness with nothing to hope for. Just like me.

Lepaks all the way..

2004-10-16T13:52:00.000-07:00

Been going out lates dis few days since its Puasa(Fasting month for Muslims). Been online gaming and chilling at Saffron till 3-4 am in the morning with Ilyas and..um..his distant cousin...forgot his real name..oh wellz. Be sure ta ask him next time. Had fun hanging outz with them. I gotta train my body strength. Talking bout rock-climbing competitions just makes me wana be more stronger. Oh wellz, I got a new project line up during the holidays. It's gona rock. No doubt about it. A clan member of mine suggest to make a squad and I'm gona be on it since the Alpha and Beta squad has been chosen. Been quite awhile that I scrim with other clan in Enemy Territory..miss playing with those guys. Gona have hard competition but heh...its fun stabbing them in the back. Miss having 24 stabs with a knife in one map. But, also need to focus in shooting. Here is a shot from my trip at Pulau Ubin. Me and my friends. I will post a link to my gallery soon.

1 whole day of exhaustion...but worth it..

2004-10-13T08:56:00.000-07:00

Aight..it has been a very..very very exhausting day. Cycling from Tampines to Ubin seems like fun but...when you head back..its very..very tiresome. 2 accidents had happen during that day. Imagine cycling down a very steep slope and you are cycling at a very high speed, there's a right bend on the road and somebody's cap was on your right. You tried to turn but don't wish to run over the cap, but as you look straight. A fren of your's, who is in front of you, braked and you had to stop yourself from crashing him. Somehow, you skidded as you braked and tried to turn to your right. Then ended up sliding on the dirt along with your bike and suffered no injuries. Heh, that was me. Luckily I was skilled enough to land properly. Haha, my front who was in front of me crashed on the bushes in front of him while me just slide on the floor. Luckily none of us was injured. The cause was another fren of mine, who is in front of my fren, braked suddenly because his cap fall off. My pants were dirty but I count myself lucky. Then another incident happened. We were at this Bicycle Dirt Track behind Sunplaza Park. A friend of mine, Joop, was racing with another friend of mine, Dane, at the dirt track. There were 6 of us I think. At the headstart, there's this very steep slope ramp. We raced up till up there and Joop paddled all the way up until He flip forward with his bike. I was at the end of the line while racing up there and saw his bike flipped forward. I was like "What the hell". He landed on the ground hard and taste dirt. Another friend of mine, Nazeeb, also fell off his bike. He saw my friend Joop flipped as he rode up that ramp. He landed wrongly and fell off his bike along with Joop. He was kinda right in front of me lying on the floor and I had to turn away fast. I skidded but luckily I managed to steered away from him. They suffered injuries but Joop suffered the most. He was diagnosed with sprained wrists and left shoulder. Nazeeb suffered cuts and a wound. That was really fierce those 2 guys got such injuries but thank God they did not end up losing their lives. Oh well, we did have our fun though at Pulau Ubin and all. After that, we head out to school to go rock-climbing. By then, I was tired and wished to sleep but couldn't. I head out to Bedok Reservoir and saw God's greatest wonders. Dozens of lightning in the sky that luminates beyond the clouds during the night. Flashes reflected upon the lake making it glow dimly. Kinda bring back old memories when staring up in the sky. Too many unwanted memories but there are also good times. Oh wellz...
After that, I went fishing with Ahmad and Wen Bing at Pasir Ris. I kinda slept a few times when waiting for my bait to be eaten. Ahmad caught a small wooden plank, plastic bag, leaf and a shoe or sandal. It was funny. Wen Bing had caught a big catfish in the river while me and Ahmad had caught small baby-liked catfishes. I guess its not our day...heh. Lastly, I had to walk all the way home early in the morning. From Pasir Ris(Near Elias mall there) to my home(Near Ngee Ann Sec Sch).Wen Bing couldn't send me and Ahmad home...darn..Well that day was worth it although it may be very tiring...

Hypocrites..are you a hypocrite...

2004-10-11T21:41:00.000-07:00

Imagine having to know someone who talks behind your back and also talks to you behind people's back, destroying a relationship just like that. A recent incident happen and a discussion was held between me and my friends in the late morning. There's this circle of friends who had been together for so long then suddenly..someone new was invited in the circle. A couple was in that group of friends and the guy who is the new visitor of the group, asked the host, who invited him, for the girl's number, knowing that she has a bf. After making friends with the group, he began his manipulation by messaging the girl whom he had asked for the number. He called her darling behind her bf's back in his messages and demands some symphaty from her. To lure her in his trap, he tries to make her pitied him in his situation and keep contacting her. Then, as things begin to boil up in her relationship, he's going to treat her good and tells her to compare how her bf treat her and how good he treats her more than her bf. His aim is to convince the girl that he is so much better than her bf which is untrue. Then behind her back, he aimed at her frens and told them that they talk behind her back saying that she is bad mouths you in public and all. ALright, here's an example. 5 people; A, B, C, D & E. Then F came in to the group. As he had made friends with everyone in the group, he spreads lies. He told A that B & C talked behind his back. He told B that A & C talked behind her back. He told C that A & B talked behind his back. Then he told D that A & E talked behind his back. Lastly, he told E that D & A talked behind her back. Confusion and anger began to rise up the heat in the circle. Fights were neverending when F came down to chill out with them. After that, they broke up and went separate ways. Somehow, another girl in the group was in love with the new guy. Taking an advantage, he steads with her and shows love. But after a few weeks, it changed. He did not called or msged her. She is the one doing all the waiting and suffering that he had shown to her. Knowing that she is doing all the waiting, he knows that the girl would not give him up. That gives him an advantage. Although he doesn't get the girl who he wants, but he got her best friend to stead with him. But now, after the girl who steads with him realise that he's a jerk, she left him. She meets up with her friends and discuss about the situation. Then only, they finally understand what he had been doing. A hypocrite: A liar, a back stabber, a sex maniac and a destroyer. He wants benefits not losses. Gurls and guys, beware of such a person in real life because they can ruin a great friendship or relationship.

My oWn QuoTes and other peoplE'S Quotes that will never be forgotten in my life..

2004-10-05T08:08:00.000-07:00

~Knowledge is powerless if you don't open up your mind.

~Life, is the End of the Beginning. Death, is the Beginning of the End.

~People can change their values over the years, so does the leaders of the country.

~Instinct is the only way to tell what lies inside of people when they were pointed a gunpoint.

~The way that people eat looks interesting, that tells us their way of behaviour.

~Self-defence is not a tool, its a weapon.

~Guns don't kill people, people kill people.

~What is love without commitment to that someone who you had always adore.

~Do not care what people think of you, be yourself and take in those who cherish you as a friend.

~Sometimes its best to keep away from fights from friends you cherish and end up as enemies. If one doesn't want to comply, respect them as you learn to respect yourself.

~What is done truly can't be undone.

~Love comes in all shapes and sizes, don't ever say that you never love anyone before.

~Friends are forever, but never forget those who helped you or you those you had helped. Life makes a diffence between 2 parties.

~What doesn't kills you makes you more stronger.

~When you felt lost and couldn't get up, you had just lost your sense of identity.

~The brain is stupid. Once you feel a little bit of pain, it is stressed out because of just one pinch.

~Miracles can happen when you are at the end of your hope.

~I lived and known many principles as I go through the Ups and Downs of Life.

~Love and trust is the key of a successful relationship.

~Never think in a battlefield, once you think you might wind up dead.

~What makes a country a Superpower?An arsenal of destructive weapons that could murder billions of people?

Some more quotes in the near future...

ExaMs ThiS WeeK..StiLL Um ChiLLin..

2004-10-04T16:13:00.000-07:00

ExaMs started this week and I am just going to take 3 exam papers. Another 2 papers I'm going to retake next semester.What's the point of continueing something that you can't motivate yourself to work on? Guess I'll be spending in poly for quite a long time. Oh well, as long as I know what I am doing. Its no need ta panic so much bout the future. It's hard sometimes ta motivate yourself when you imagine the future all dull. That's what um thinking rite now but gotta keep on struggling with education. My life is unpredictable. The Sands of Time. Wish everything would just be perfect..but yet again. Life is unfair.

I had been hanging out almost everyday. Guess it will never end..heh.

Darn, still inadequate O/S privileges I am suffering. I guess virus infected them along with my comp. Gona look out for them.

Gunfights..how I wish I had double Colt Swiss Army handguns..

2004-10-02T07:55:00.000-07:00

Alrights..I had uninstall the pack and defrag my comp. Everything runs smoothly now..at last. Still can't figure out the ET problem. Guess gotta do some research on what Killerwhale said...right now, I wish for 2 Colt Swiss Army handguns for my next birthday. Watching Metal Gear Solid:Snake Eater trailer kinda make me jealous to have them. I hope I will hold them and wield it like a real gunfighter.

Well, no more crutches for me. I need a few more days to rest. Couldn't turn properly right now. Few more days...and I will parkour and rock climb again. No matter what the consequences are..I will do what I want. Exams next week and I prepared myself a little. All I want is to end them and enjoy. Couldn't wait for the holidays..feel I should change my job. Being a waiter is hectic when restaurants need ya to fill in the manpower. Besides..I tend to get so tired working every night. I do not know whether should continue or not. In the meantime, got to know some new people. It's been nice...I wana play ET again....

Uninstalling service pack..could anything get worse..

2004-09-30T21:10:00.000-07:00

Man..now I could not even play Enemy Territory..it says inadequate O/S privileges..I guess the service pack is the fault..well I'm gona get rid of it for good. Keep making my comp slow..I could not stand it anymore. I'm tired for going out 2 days straight despite my sprained ankle. Smoked 2 packs of cigs to keep me happy. Had lots of laughs for these past 2 days. Enjoyed junk food outside rather than eating at home. Missed playing ET. Played pool, billiard and CS for free. Catch up with all friends or chatters whom I had made last time. Continue to do what I want. Heh..still waiting for fate to blow in my path.

Stupid Adware and Spyware...freezing my comp...

2004-09-29T05:58:00.000-07:00

Ever since I had installed Service Pack 2 for Windows XP, everything in my comp moves slowly and sometimes freezes..making me pissed for nothing. Just log in early morning..was kinda lazy to wait up for the stupid thing to load up slowly..now everything is working fine after unistalling a few anti-virus softwares and few things. Now I remembered the book I was reading was Almanac History. It kinda tells a little bit of history in each era. For example, how WW2 got started or why they call it the Age of Enlightenment. It kinda interest me to read about it more. What's more a surprise in the library that woke me up from my sleep. Daring Hisham making fun behind this girl hahaha...well, since I woke up too early. I think I'm gona visit my clan members. Miss those guys..time for some action. :-D

*ZERO_shift*

Another passing day...

2004-09-29T04:41:00.000-07:00

Well..here I am..walking down this lonely road..searching myself what I had done and my mistakes of what I had committed..I am also selfish. I thought of what I had said yesterday..and what my close friend told me. Now..I think it's up to fate whether things will be the same that they use to. The more I think about it the more I will feel..lost..so I guess I should continue to move on the journey that I had started and start back from what I had begun. Only time will tell....heh..reminds me of Sampson..my {AR} clan member. I wonder how he and the others been doing. Looks like there had been new members in my clan that I do not know about much since I had been too busy with life. I'll try ta drop by and see how those guys are doing. My skills are lost..well..doesn't take long till I stab them all ingame. Heh..

Well, speaking of ingame..played 2 hours of free LAN gaming at Grandlink Paya Lebar. Couldn't believe it till I tried it. There were 4 of us playing Counterstrike(CS). I started playing it abit last 2 weeks. It was still kinda the same. Stupid grenades wun just kill your opponent with just one shot. I guess Enemy Territory or America's Army is better but playing with frens make it more fun. I saw another group from my skool playing Battlefield 1942. It looks great. You have certain aircrafts or vehicles at your disposal. I want to try it if I could. Well, free LAN games and pool. Maybe I'll play pool tomorrow..kinda bring back some memories that I don't wish to think. After that, we hit MacDonalds for awhile. Jokes were freaking funny and the environment...heheh. Then..alas we hit school..
touch abit of my book. But what interest me more is...that book in the library.....I forgot...oh well..I'm gona update later again.

My heart pains..what is love...a pile of miserable secrets..I am myself..

2004-09-28T08:44:00.000-07:00

Today..was a mistake ta go out..with someone who I had adored but yet..far away..I am changed. It's unexpected. You can't demand a person not to change just because things screw up in the past. I am just being myself and continue the way I was before I met you. I learn what I had to become. I am becoming aggressive and I hate being old. I live and experienced with so many principle that I knew. Is that wrong by knowing more principles and use them in life? Ask that yourself. Do man live by rules. Seriously, its a No. Look at people these days. They don't follow traditions anymore. They wish to be more than that. Look at you. The person I know who deceives his/her own principles and yet you talk to me about principles and stuffs. What does age have to do to make a boy a man? Even if you are a man, do you think they are all that bloody perfect. Freaking no. Maturity grows but immature still lives in every person. There is an amount of mature and immaturity in every person. People can be mature when being serious and people can be immature when having fun. People learn mistakes. I learn my mistakes and simply move on eventhough the hatred and unmotivated interest of life in me still lives. I tend to question. Why life has to be complicating? Why love can't last forever? Why shit happens every time when something nice happens to you? You knew people are not perfect but yet you persists. I have problems you too have problems. Then why the hell do you think I always think of myself. Why? Give me a freaking why damn it? Don't I let you what you want? Don't I let you who you want to be with? Don't I let you go to make you find your happiness? I am not selfish to you anymore. I demand fairness but no..you don't understand. You demand so much of me and I tried to follow your demands. I believe people can change in love..but when you know that you are trying to find comfort and a reason to do something you had planned in life with no motivation. It blows. It freaking blows. Life sucks but shit, I am moving on and find some reason to continue what I had done. It's so damn hard to move on day by day, having that same damn feeling and can't do shit about it but just smoke it off or do something to get rid of it. I can go insane..but since you don't know me like who I use to be when I am with you..I suggest you search yourself. Because the way I am looking at things you are bad at things. I don't give a damn if people are reading about this. Give me some comments. I'm open to people's opinion. Say what you got to say readers..damn..

Guess that's all for today...

Confinement...boredom at home..hrlp!!

2004-09-27T08:51:00.000-07:00

To live in boredom is to live in death itself...get Outta your homes and ExPloRe!! I had fun riding a wheelchaIr today on my own. It's a first. Well, I can't wait to ride my own bike and car...they are the only things I look forward right now and I don't friking care what people say or criticise about me. If ya think I'll be worse riding them so be it, but don't cram me into your damn hysteria. I had been waiting too long already. No more..waiting. Setting new goals myself, gona take advantage of things before I go insane. Anyways, I had to X=ray two times today coz they didn't x-ray properly, but the doctor says there's a line in my x-ray pictures. She believes its nothing serious but a sprain. Well, i trust her words coz I know it's just a sprain. At least I could walk a bit..but the doctor advise me to stay home for 3 days and rest....I don't wish to rest...I wana go out...perhaps tomoro I'll head out..I can go insane by just staying at home like some watchdog. I can't take this anymore...gona head out to seven eleven soon. The only freedom I have...near my home. Gotta love it. Heh, I put some new links so do check some outs. Lataz~~~

HaIl To MY GRumPy StoNed Cat!!

2004-09-26T10:14:00.001-07:00

ME!!

2004-09-26T10:08:00.002-07:00

This is Me PeOplE So Be NicE!

DArn...can't go OuT JusT Yet...

2004-09-26T07:27:00.000-07:00

GrRrrRRrR...I gotta Stay Home and HeaLed..that's what the doc said. R.I.C.E treatment..Well..I can't wait to get out and learn new stuffs. It's cool. I have updated new stuffs to my website. All thanks to my frens for letting me browse their websites..heheeheh..oh well..I'm gona find new songs to make this place lively..heh..anything sounds be great..

Yeah Baby..althought sprained My Ankle But...WorTh it!!

2004-09-25T23:11:00.000-07:00

Heh..today was the Best Day..I overcome my fear!! Although I did bad for my Rock competition coz of my sprained right leg and I missed to parkour with the NYP and SP people, I overcome my fear of jumping off 2nd storey and land on the 1st storey in the SP sports hall. It hurts like hell but..worth the hurt haha. I'm gona post the video in here sometime. I need the video from Wak but I forgot to ask him earlier. Heheehehehehehehh~~!

Damn...iT wasn'T suppOse ta Happen..

2004-09-24T10:05:00.000-07:00

Darn..I should have expected this..Me, AhmAd and Ian WeNt ta parKour toDay..and SomeThing Bad happEn. We were SuppoSe ta Jump over a Sit-up bench..then suddenly,something went wrong..After me and Ian had finish with our turn..its ahmad's TuRn. He Ran but somehow before the Bench he slid and crash on it. Tilting half of his body on the benCh pole and hit His face on the woden plank. Me And Ian LAughed likE heLL and ThouGht nothIng was wronG..unTil hE camE ta us and Blood Was FloWing out Of his MouTh. I freaked out..he got a deep cut on his lip and his jaw at the front was bleeding like hell. I felt guilty for asking him to come along but Ian says he should know the risks. After that, we went Ta wAtsonS near the TampiNes Library and Bought somE BonJEla cream ANd toothache cream. It SeemS a Lil better when AhmAd put them at Ian's house. After that.we watched EuRoTrip..man that story is so..Whoa!! Then, play a few games on the xbox. Ninja Gaiden and Gotham racing I think..after that we went home. Ahmad told me that he would stop doing PArkour..I kinda felt bad for what he said..I guess it would be it's last..Um sorry ma fren..

PaKoRinG iN SkooL...ThE ThRilL NeVa STOps..

2004-09-23T04:43:00.000-07:00

Today was the slickiest day. My frens and I record some movie clips in one of the hp. It's slick and with co-ordination. The training is tough but I noe how to roll properly and switch hands on railing. The jump from second floor to first is still scary. Well, gotta take this slowly I guess. Everyone who saw us doing our thing kinda watch us. I'm gona keep my adrenalin running till I achieve my goal of life..oh...and I skipped classes again...haha~~!

TechNo BeaTs...PoISon..

2004-09-22T21:51:00.000-07:00

Alright,changed my background sound with one of the Groove Coverage songs..now I feel a lil satisfied.MuwhahahaahHAAHahAHahHAhahAhHAhAH~~~~!!

Background and....weird sound added...hehx

2004-09-22T20:12:00.000-07:00

Alright, a fren of mine added background for me..muwhaahahah..now I need to find a new background music and some links to my favourites..got lotsa things in my mind but right now..gotta train my mentality...and physically..this Saturday got rock competition going on so I need ta train. Skipped my classes again haha..oh well..its time for me to accept things..I'll try ta update more posts and more wonderful stuffs!!

Alright!!!Yeah BaBeh!!yamakAsI n GiGs!!!

2004-09-22T10:25:00.000-07:00

I watched The Great Challenge with the Yamakasi cast along with ma frens. Its a remake..not a sequel. Kinda disappointed with the storyline though..but it inspires me to be extreme. I hope I do live up to the challenge. This motication in me lights up. I do not care if I break any bones or not but...its worth it. ;o)
A person I had met today kinda interest me back to gigs...its been a long time since I have been to one..I think I'm gona head to one of those these days...Skafest..was a total chaos concert..haha..I think it has been about...4 yrs I have not been to gigs..coz something stopped me and held me back...but now, I am unbinded from my chains. Time for me to be myself again like last time...yeah man...myself back again...Reggae ska gurl=RaG_LaDy. Rock on gurl!!

Crapiolaz....

2004-09-21T04:57:00.000-07:00

Darn...I skipped my whole class schedule today...I overslept the thing through and...heh..relaxed at home doing my projects...oh well...guess nothing can be helped...I totally give up on my E.Maths 3 and D.Fund 2. Nothing can save me now wakakaakkaka..well..looks like I better buck up for my INSCE and Thermo. Better pass those to move on. I will rebuild my foundation by studying all over again. Although it may sound bad..but..I am concern and for my future. My motivation is needed to be rebuild with new things...what should I do now..instead of skipping classes and lectures..Rock-climbing..gaming...eating..sleeping..heh...give me new ideas dang it!!!

Contruction of ma blog webbie

2004-09-20T01:35:00.000-07:00

Sign up at www.shoutbox.com today. Seems like its working alright but..kinda need to adjust the spacing...I forgot how to do that heh. Oh well, time is nothing for the Cyber world. Nothing much to say since its the afternoon. I'll try to add more stuff when I get home. Right now ma webbie is still under wraps. So don't expect too soon to complete...

A lil bit of Myself peepers..

2004-08-30T18:32:00.000-07:00

Aight2, I'm going to update my blogspot from now on..it's been crap everyday. But gotta end it with smokes of surprises right? Heh, anyways it's been a tough weekend with projects and all. Had 4 MCs coz of my sore eys. My cigarilloz were on low supply...wondering what next cigars should I take. Smoke a cigar myself..almost make me puke but Heaven and Earth Jasmine tea saved me from doing that. Heh..Worked my ass off during these weekends..12 hours of non-stop service at Swenson's..brrrbbut the food's good. Fries and ice cream...nothing taste best with cheese..I wonder when I will receive my pay..been waiting about 4 weeks now..Looks like exams gona be like in 3 weeks..darn am I not prepared..anyways...good news is...I have no life..playing games, smoking my cigs, disturbing my cat, working, skipping classes, and inciting crap in this webstie..I'll try to modify the website which I had in mind..but in the meantime, stay tune to my early updates. Shalashazka..revolver ocelot..a favourite gun slinger idol I wish ta be...Colt 'Swiss Army'..when will I ever get my hands on ya...

~~**ZeRo'S PaRaDisE CasTLe**~~

Being single..

Let's add a lil Soul...

A wish to put an end...

A quiz...

Ungrateful attitudes...

Here without you...memories..

Heaven knows..a walk to remember..

A long wait..unfullfilled..

3 weeks to be exact...

A Thursday morning...

A Tuesday Morning...

Putting thoughts into words..

Oversleeping..bloodshot eyes..

In my shoes..temper temper temper..

Inspiring artworks display..

3 days and 2 nights..here I am back and again..

Loneliness..and here I am hoping...

Practical 1 done..

Exhausted...confusion..I'm gona tell this once...

The voices in my ear...troubled...

A dedicated poem..Part 4

A dedicated poem..Part 3

A dedicated poem..part 2

A dedicated poem...Part 1

Patiently waititng...

Linux...WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU!

20TH Birthday..2nd March..

What the...

Whatever it is..dun make fun of my dad..

I'm in love and its true..

Splendour in love...

The thoughts of doubtless love...

A day of sparkles...

A Kissable night...

Intrigued by the fireworks...

A feeling with fun...

In my shoes..

The views..

Valentine's Day...Hatred still lives on..

Work..Yishun..ET..where do I start..Valentine's Day??

Update:Happy Chinese New Year!

Update

Update:Beating to the rhythm

Update

Life's sweetest moments..becomes the greatest Sin..

Update:Ala-ka-blondah! 2nd Part

Guilty for a reason..

Update:Ala-ka-Blon-dah!

Sleepless rest..update

Apocalyse comin and um climbing..

My works..

Back online...update

The meaning of...

Site construction...period

A Relaxing and Happening Day

Being tied at the end...sleepless nights..

Last job on the terminal..one love..

Lousy feeling...lousy month..

Work work work...

One more day...then it's PAY DAY!!!!!$$$Ka-ChiNg$$$

Someone who I miss..don't understand me...

A bloody working day...

SATS..Geylang..New Haircut...Hang Outs..TPK..Shit Happens..

Lepaks all the way..

1 whole day of exhaustion...but worth it..

Hypocrites..are you a hypocrite...

My oWn QuoTes and other peoplE'S Quotes that will never be forgotten in my life..

ExaMs ThiS WeeK..StiLL Um ChiLLin..

Gunfights..how I wish I had double Colt Swiss Army handguns..

Uninstalling service pack..could anything get worse..

Stupid Adware and Spyware...freezing my comp...

Another passing day...

My heart pains..what is love...a pile of miserable secrets..I am myself..

Confinement...boredom at home..hrlp!!

HaIl To MY GRumPy StoNed Cat!!

ME!!

DArn...can't go OuT JusT Yet...

Yeah Baby..althought sprained My Ankle But...WorTh it!!

Damn...iT wasn'T suppOse ta Happen..

ZeRo'S PaRaDisE CasTLe